eelitz-Bay eilstatten-Hay

(Warning: This blog post is quite long. I will never post anything approaching this length ever again. But, we had an epic day. It deserves equally ridiculous documentation.)

My roommate (and gifted photographer) Cathy is really into urban exploring. That means going to abandoned places you're generally not supposed to go to, taking in forgotten architectural and historical wonders, and leaving them as you found them. This generally involves trespassing, which is bad--but hey, we don't read German, so we weren't sure exactly what those signs at the gate said, anyway.

Now, let's start at the beginning. After Cathy stopped and grabbed a sandwich at a nearby bakery, we found out very quickly that we don't actually know how to read the German subway map, so it took us a few tries to find the train station. When we did get there, we found out that we also have no idea how to buy a train ticket. Luckily, an exceedingly friendly old German man with comprehensive knowledge of the subway system was hanging out by the ticket machine, seemingly for the sole purpose of helping people buy their tickets. He helped us buy tickets, determine the correct platform, and find the correct platform, and then gave us a map and a time schedule with our destination, departure time, and arrival time underlined. I was bowled over by his apparent pride in his city and his willingness to help weird incompetent American girls asking how to get to a creepy old hospital in the middle of nowhere. There's no way we would have figured it out without this guy.

So, we settled down to wait the thirty minutes or so for the next train.

When we got off at our stop about 45 minutes later, we were greeted by an abandoned, boarded up train station (behind which there was a large abandoned house), a pine forest, and a large road. From some limited Google Maps research the night before, we figured we should head south on this road to hit the complex. It didn't take long--in less than a quarter mile we were seeing large, factory-like buildings like this

and overgrown old houses like this

right up against the main road, connected by old paved roads and walkways. They were all abandoned, and mostly boarded up. Those that weren't boarded up (or, weren't very well boarded up) were pretty trashed inside. As we kept walking we saw more mansions, shacks, pumphouses, and factory buildings seemingly at every turn. It felt like a ghost town.

By now you might be wondering, what exactly is this ghost town? The history behind this abandoned Soviet hospital and training complex is staggering. The site was first developed in 1898 as a tuberculosis sanatorium. During the First World War it served as a military hospital for the Imperial Germany Army, treating the earliest causalities of new technologies like machines guns and mustard gas. A young Adolf Hitler recuperated there in the fall of 1916 after being blinded by a British gas attack and wounded in the leg at the Battle of Somme. (This earned him the Iron Cross, and he later wrote about his stay at the sanatorium in Mein Kampf.) The site was again used as a military hospital, this time for wounded Nazis, during World War II. By this time, the complex had grown to include over sixty buildings.

You can see the train tracks running horizontally through the middle of this map. Cathy and I only got to ten or twelve buildings in the lower right color-coded-red section.

In 1945 the complex was occupied by Soviet forces, and remained a Soviet military hospital until 1995, well after the reunification. The hospital under Soviet control treated several Communist party members, included disgraced head of the GDR Erich Honecker, who went to eelitz-Bay eilstatten-Hay in December 1990 after having been forced to resign.

In the years since the Soviets peaced it in 1995, several attempts to privatize the site have failed. Today, some sections remain in operation (like a small neurological research and rehabilitation center, as well as a center for research and care for victims of Parkinsons disease). A majority of the complex, however, has been abandoned and unsecured since at least 2000.

Things got really exciting when Cathy and I reached a grassy square enclosed by ornate (and very thoroughly boarded up) buildings on three sides, with this statue in the center:

"To the heroes of the Soviet Union." Yeah, Cathy reads Russian. Awesome.

Right about now we saw some hipsters walking down the road toward one of the buildings (We later figured out this is the building marked with a red #3 on the map--the biggest building there!!) looking like they knew where they were going, so we followed. We watched as Tall Skinny Male Hipster hopped onto a ledge, pulled at some nails (they were just bent over, rather than nailed into, the boarding), and took the boarding off of a 2'x2' window. Success! We joined the hipsters and climbed through the ridiculously tiny window. This is what we saw inside:

The flower-shaped window looks out onto the square with the Soviet memorial statue.

From the stage looking toward the rest of the building. The door on the right leads to the more hospital-y parts. Note: The Soviets probably did not paint that giant lizard. That said, the lizard was one of probably three or four significant pieces of graffiti we found. Wow.

Our best guess was that this was some kind of exercise hall or gymnasium. On our way in we also found a script, a set plan, and a call sheet for the movie Street Dance 2 3D from early June, 2011--just a month ago! Apparently the producers of the movie were shooting a steamy Paris dance club scene in this hall. When this greatly anticipated cinematic masterpiece comes out, it will join the likes of The Pianist as a film that shot at Bee-lits Hile-stat-in. Cathy and I will surely be first in line to see it.

The original Soviet artwork was all around the walls--paintings and murals of runners, weight-lifters, riflemen, basketball players, gymnasts, a few Olympic torches. We even found a cyclist!

You can buy CCCP  jerseys like the ones they wore in the 1980 Olympics on eBay. So ironic.

Cathy translated this as "master candidates of sport."

After frolicking around in this room (because, obviously, it was made for frolicking), we continued into the rest of the building. We were stopped by this silly door with this silly lock and this silly missing windowpane. The Tall Skinny Hipsters made it through no problem, and I managed to squeeze through as well, but Cathy is so tall (5'10''!) that she couldn't make it through.

Awkward.

No way were we going to separate, and no way were we going to turn back! We'd only seen about 1% of this ginormous building, and the creepy hospital rooms, grand staircase, and other treasures were just beyond this door. Besides, Cathy's the one with the camera skills, so it was more important to get her in to see all the good stuff. We left the building and started walking around it to try to find another way in. While we were walking we met a English-, French-, German-, and Russian-speaking film crew from Berlin who were scouting locations for their next movie and looking for a way in, as well. Now we felt really badass, because we got to be all like, "Oh yeah, we know the way in. We can show you. Yeah, it's pretty hard to find, no big deal." We couldn't find any other open/poorly boarded up windows, so we went back to the entrance into the gymnasium hall with the filmmakers. Once again, we ended up at the dead-end door. This time we had big strong filmmaker men with us (as opposed to Tall Skinny Hipsters), and they tried to lift the door off its hinges. Then I found a crowbar (or something) and started removing nails with it, and then they borrowed the crowbar to try to bend an open chain link on the lock chain...but all to no avail.

I may or may not have been serious when I proposed we just kick the door loose and pry it open at the hinges with my super awesome rusted crow bar-like thing.

In retrospect, the chain-busting route was probably a bit more reasonable. And much more respectful. I guess I was just in that Soviet gymnasium mindset of WINNING THINGS!

This thing was solid. Luckily, just as we were about to give up and leave, we saw a new group of hipsters on the other side of the door. One of the filmmakers asked them in German how they got there. They told us about a slightly hidden staircase back by the gymnasium that would take us up to the second floor and, from there, give us access to the rest of the building. We found the staircase easily (how did we miss it??)  and went to town. We spent the next hour or two exploring the four floors of this gorgeous building with our jolly filmmaker friends (one of whom had impeccable English and a great sense of humor), and still only managed to get to about a third of it.

Secret staircase!

First dose of unobstructed sunlight.

An upstairs hallway. All of the rooms off the hallways that we went into were empty--whatever furniture was once there was taken long ago.

Golden room.

I know, a lot of staircases and hallways--but they, along with the open windows on the upper floors (only the ground floor windows were boarded up), were so much of what was so beautiful about this place.

The infamous blue staircase, about which many an urban explorer blogger blogged before us! There was just about no tagging anywhere, though. Just five layers of peeling paint.

From the top of the staircase.

All was going well, until we went to the first floor and into a large hall adjacent to the bottom of the staircase, in the first photo below. A typical horror movie scenario began to unfold. First, some of the crew, feeling ill, went back to their car. Then, our remaining jolly English-speaking film-making friend remarked that his cell phone had no service. Then, Cathy and I found the very strange tiled room below. This bath/shower room was pristine. Shining, even. Everything around it was wrecked and dirty and trashed--compare it to the photo (of the hall that we found it in) above it. WTF?? Then, jolly filmmaker said that he was going to go join their friends after all, since he was unable to receive any calls and they might be trying to get to him--"ciao!" Just like that. Bam bam bam.

As soon as he left it got very quiet, and very cavernous. This guy had been so light, kind, cheerful, and knowledgeable, and, without him, the building--especially the darker first floor--suddenly felt very uncomfortable.

A slight change of scenery from the top floors.

"Uhhh...Cathy...come check this out. It's, uh, really clean."

We saw this room right across the hall from the tiled room and picked up our pace...but not, of course, before shooting a couple frames!

And we were off. We hung out in the Soviet gymnasium and played around and took some more pictures, and then checked the perimeter of the other two large buildings in the square to see if we could find any way inside those. We didn't find anything, but we DID see this cool sign in one of the windows:

Cathy translated this for us: it's a chart of poisonous substances that "the enemy" may use, accompanied by their treatments. Neat-o!

Now it was getting close to 7PM, and we were both pretty hungry, so we headed back to the road and the train station. Is the adventure over now, you may ask? Of course not! We still have like four items to fit into this ridiculous story line. On our way back we passed a house that this couple has renovated and now lives in, mere yards away from a dozen creepy abandoned houses and buildings. They were sitting out in front in white lawn chairs, drinking juice out of a nice pitcher and reading the paper. Weird. They also had a very friendly kitty cat, who we stopped to play with.

Look at the little faaaace.

On the train we entertained ourselves by reading the Street Dance 2 3D script. We also saw a rainbow.

Back in Berlin at Alexanderplatz, we were standing there, minding our own business waiting for the U8, when these men wearing shorts, singing "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds," and carrying a very large kiwi tree branch showed up on the platform. Cathy's project includes taking portraits on Berliners, so she asked if we could take their picture. The darker-haired one gave us his email address so we could send him the pictures later.

Hahaha.

HAHAHAHA.

They got on the same car that we did, and they got a lot of funny looks from everyone else on the already very crowded car. They spoke excellent English, and talked to us for a while. Before we got off the train the lighter-haired one handed us these little green cardboard packets with Japanese all over them and instructed us to not open them until we got back to Seattle, and to send them an email when we did.

Naturally, I opened mine the second we got off the train. It was a Popet. (See http://www.eurobiz.jp/content/2010/april/columns/green-biz and prepare to get your mind blown.) Huh.

Now, my astute and devoted reader, the adventure must be over. We've covered all 10 terms, you say! This blog post has gone on forever! I am beginning to question reality! I know, I know. Give me just this one last thing. We looked up the darker-haired guy's email address this morning, and, lo and behold, he is an INTERNATIONAL MALE MODEL. He is what Tyra Banks might call "fierce." With some light Internet stalking we found out he recently got back from a shoot in Sidney. And he's in all these high fashion magazines. And he gave me a Japanese recycling bag shaped like a teddy bear. Awesome.

So, that's the story. That's what I did with my Saturday. Thank you, people and places of the greater Berlin area, for quite a day.